Conspiracy nutters Rejoice!
What complete utter moron genius created (let alone commissioned) this official United States “Conspiracy Theories and Misinformation” page?
Here you will find in vaguely, for want of a better word… conspirational… prose with few or sometime no supporting facts, the official US governments position explaining that said government did not, in fact, blow up the towers of the World Trade Center; that the moon landings actually did occur; and that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone; or that the USA is not engaged with a “War on Islam” [*snort*]
Though the best statement must go to the lead in text:
Conspiracy theories exist in the realm of myth, where imaginations run wild, fears trump facts, and evidence is ignored. As a superpower, the United States is often cast as a villain in these dramas.
Muwahahahahahaha…
Then again the whole page could be just a conspiracy to stop the conspirators knowing that they are even in a conspiracy. Or as Lao Tzu said “Those who know, don’t say. Those who say, don’t know.”
CONSPIRACY —> Cliques of Normals Secretly Performing Insidious Rituals Aimed at Controlling You
C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y [Or the Conspiracy of Conspiracies]
[Note: Parody alert.. Any Lawyer/solicitor will love this]
What if there was a major conspiracy, and nobody knew about it?
What if nobody knew about it because the conspirators removed all evidence of its existence?
What if it was part of a sinister brotherhood (or dare I say sisterhood) that planned to conquer the world and had the people to do it?
What if they were planning to do it tomorrow?
What could even be done to discover their very existence?
Though more importantly what could be done to stop them ???????
Herein and for your perusal and education are a few techniques to allow you to inform the world of the answers to most of the above questions.
Interestingly there are certain organisational principles that all successful (and even successful) conspiracies tend to follow, and a basic understanding of these can help us help you to uncover that which would ordinarily be un-uncoverable.
1. Because all evidence of the conspiracy’s existence has been removed, you need to realise that the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
On the contrary, because one can find evidence of virtually anything, whether it actually exists or not, finding some evidence in and of itself proves nothing.
Since we know that the conspirators have removed all evidence of their conspiracy, we must therefore deduce the conspiracy’s existence by looking for conspicuous absence of any evidence of its existence.
Therefore after you have searched for, but not found, evidence of a conspiracy, you must then logically conclude that there is, in fact, a conspiracy, and further, that the conspirators are extremely clever bastards and therefore very dangerous.
2. Conspiracies tend to have five members (or less) which makes it difficult if not impossible for an outsider to keep track of the conspiracy should it somehow be discovered.
Therefore we conclude that Any conspiracy is composed of members who communicate with every other person in the conspiracy, and thus the conspiracy can be defined in terms of persons who communicate with each other to a common end.
Also persons within a conspiracy can form subconspiracies with necessarily fewer members. The number of possible combinations of subconspiracies within a conspiracy increases with the size of the major conspiracy.
For example, a conspiracy of 2 has only one possible combination, and therefore no subconspiracies; a conspiracy of 3 can have 3 subconspiracies of 2, a conspiracy of 4 can have 6 subconspiracies of 2, three pairs of subconspiracies of 2 and 4 subconspiracies of 3 for a total of 14 possible combinations of (sub) conspiracies.
We therefore through the power of mathematical statistical probability that within a conspiracy of 5, the number of possible combinations is so great that it is not feasable for an outsider to keep track of them all, thus affording a measure of security via complexity.
In a conspiracy of more than 5, the conspirators themselves have trouble keeping track of all the possible combinations of conspiracies, thus they tend to limit their numbers to 5.
3. In addition to secrecy and complexity, another method of security is Ignorance.
A standard axiom amongst the intelligence community is that the most secure, and therefore the potentially most effective agent is one who does not know that he is an agent.
The same is true for conspirators. If caught, they cannot reveal what they do not know; yet the conspiracy is only dependent on what they do, not what they know. Therefore, in a conspiracy that is observing proper security measures, NONE of the conspirators would know that they are part of a conspiracy, in order to confuse the enemy and avoid suspicion.
Therefore, we must conclude that, whether or not a conspirator believes s/he is part of a conspiracy is not a valid indicator.
We now come to the hardest part of exposing a conspiracy.
Having proved the existence of a conspiracy by using points 1 and 2 above, we now can show that there is absolutely an existence of a conspiracy by the observation of the total absence of Evidence of its actual existence!
But how do we then identify those conspirators who by the very existence of the conspiracy do not actually know they are conspirators themselves?
This is achieved by understanding that the conspirators must be members of some much larger organisation which ultimately runs the conspiracy. Therefore, we must look for common factors among members of our this organisation that would tend to indicate that some of these members are also members of some other organisation that might be plotting to take over the world.
The following signs need to be diligently watched for:
- Do some people give others secret handshakes?
- Do some wear some sort of insignia?
- Do some people make obscure jokes that seem only to be funny to a few others?
- Do some seem to sit off in a group by themselves, talking about God-knows-what?
They are indicators of a group affiliation, and since we know that there is a conspiracy within the organisation, we must assume that this group has some people that are affiliated with the organisation that is behind the conspiracy.
Remember: conspiracies usually have five members, although it would be just like a conspiracy to have a different number, just to confuse us. But let us start by assuming that they number five.
Firstly, we must observe deviant behaviours by groups within the group and make not of the individual identities.
Secondly, we must then observe how these individuals interact, and with whom, in order to establish patterns of conspiracies within the conspiracy.
Thirdly, we must keep dossiers on all of these individuals so that we can keep track of their activities and contacts.
We must be ever vigilant, lest we be drawn down and consumed by the conspiracies for world domination.
As foulness we shall know them; their hand is at our throats. Their habitation is even one with our guarded threshold. We rule now where they ruled once; they shall soon rule where we rule now. After winter is summer, after summer, winter; They wait, patient and potent, for tomorrow belongs to them.
But don’t worry. Its only a CONSPIRACY!!!
or — Cliques Of Normals Secretly Performing Insidious Rituals Aimed at Controlling You!
